Stranded With Her Ex Page 11

  She approached the pup warily, keeping her eyes on the bull in the shallow surf. He made a braying sound, warning her to retreat. The gulls and cormorants overhead cawed and circled, wings flapping with excitement.

  Farallon Island didn’t have the luxury of an emergency medical clinic or round-the-clock veterinary services. On rare occasions, an injured animal was taken to the Marine Mammal Center in San Francisco for care and rehabilitation. In this instance, whatever Daniela could do would have to suffice.

  Luckily, the plastic ring didn’t appear to be lacerating the pup’s flesh, and the seal’s temperament was docile. He allowed her to examine him in stoic silence.

  Just as she was about to snip the plastic, the bull on the beach let out a thunderous roar.

  Frozen with fear, she watched the elephant seal rush toward her, his massive body slamming across the short beach.

  Her choices were to drop everything and run, leaving the seal behind, or to attempt to drag the pup to safety. Blood thundering in her ears, she wrapped her arms around his plump middle and heaved backward, her heels seeking purchase in the shifting sand.

  She didn’t make it. She didn’t even come close. The pup was small, less than fifty pounds, and Sean could have picked up two or three of these little guys, but Daniela couldn’t even handle one. Before she knew it, she was flat on her butt, staring up at a huge elephant seal, her face just inches from his ugly mug.

  He bellowed, misting her cheeks with what had to have been the most awful halitosis in the entire animal kingdom.

  Tears filled her eyes even as the smell soured her stomach. “No,” she screamed, hugging the pup closer. “Leave us alone!”

  In some part of her mind, she knew she was acting like a madwoman. This wounded seal wasn’t her baby. He wasn’t a human being. He wasn’t even a pet.

  And yet, in that moment, she’d have risked her life to protect him. She continued to hold her ground, her chest heaving with pent-up emotion.

  For whatever reason, the bull didn’t attack. With another disgruntled roar, he turned and loped away, his portly backside disappearing into the crashing surf.

  Amazed by the strange sequence of events, and thankful to be unharmed, Daniela let out a ragged laugh. “Well, I ran him off, didn’t I?” she said, looking down at the speckled pup. Sniffling, she trimmed away the ring around his neck.

  His relief was palpable, and instantaneous. He bleated again, as if in thanks.

  She poured the can of formula into a stout glass bottle and attached a sturdy rubber nipple. Some animals wouldn’t take food this way, but when she poured a few drops into the palm of her hand, he nuzzled her hungrily, and when she put the bottle to his mouth, he sucked the nutrient-rich liquid down in record time.

  For Daniela, helping a wounded animal was always satisfying, but her connection to this pup was special. She’d saved him, of that she was sure. And, in some way, he’d saved her. It felt as though a piece of debris had been wrapped around her chest for the past two years, constricting her heart. For the first time in a long while, she could breathe.

  Once the young seal’s hunger was sated, he drowsed in her arms, exhausted from the life-or-death battle his body had been fighting. Daniela cuddled him closer, crooning softly. She didn’t need a therapist to tell her that he reminded her of the child she’d lost.

  After some initial anxiety about giving birth and raising a child, she’d settled into the idea of becoming a mother. She’d decided to breast-feed. Sean had teased her about the amount of research she’d done on the subject, saying she was already well-equipped for the job.

  A few days after the accident, when her milk came in, she’d wept. Without a baby to nurse, there’d been no easy way to diminish her discomfort, and the swelling had been excruciating. Her breasts had been so full they hurt, and her arms had ached from emptiness.

  Pained by the memory, she cradled the chubby little seal against her chest, singing Spanish lullabies and longing for something that could never be.

  After a few moments, he roused. His neck was rubbed raw and several peck marks dotted his speckled coat, but he was healthy enough to be set free. Drawn to the lure of the sea, he wriggled away from her, waddling across the sand and sliding into the water with a soft, celebratory splash.

  She walked to the shoreline and stared out at the Perfect Wave, feeling the wind lift her hair and caress her overheated face. When she turned back toward the cliffs, she saw Sean leaning against the same rock formation she’d climbed down to get onto the beach. With the sound of the crashing surf, she hadn’t heard his approach, so she had no idea how long he’d been watching her. Now the tide was coming in, soaking the sand at her feet.

  If she’d tarried here much longer, she’d have been trapped.

  Feeling foolish, she gathered up her tote bag and jacket and trudged toward him, anticipating a lecture. But what she saw on his face wasn’t reproof. It was grief. He must have seen her cuddling the baby seal, and it was clear he was having the same reaction she had.

  His mouth was thin-lipped with anguish and his eyes glittered with unshed tears.

  Daniela had only seen Sean cry once, after Natalie’s funeral. He’d never been comfortable showing this level of emotion, and she’d often wondered if he were capable of feeling it.

  Muttering a hoarse curse, he pressed his fingertips to his eyelids, as if he could staunch the flow of tears that way.

  She couldn’t watch another person suffer without offering her assistance, and this was Sean, the love of her life, so she dropped her things and put her arms around him.

  Too often, she’d assumed he didn’t understand how she felt. And how could he, when she refused to let him in? Now she was faced with more evidence that she’d been wrong. Maybe he’d been as devastated by the death of their child as she had.

  I’d have done anything to take your pain, he’d said, and she knew that was true.

  Trying to return the favor, she buried her face in the front of his shirt and held him close, smoothing her hands across his back, stroking the nape of his neck. He wept silently, his shoulders trembling under her fingertips, his arms slipping around her waist. Her heart bled for him, tears burning at her own eyes. At the same time, it felt good to share this moment, and absorb his grief.

  Too often, she’d cried alone.

  After a few moments, he straightened a little, seeming to recover from the uncharacteristic emotional display.

  His flannel shirt was soft against her cheek, and he smelled wonderfully masculine, like clean sweat and warm skin. Without making a conscious choice to do so, she inhaled a deep breath and nuzzled closer, her lips touching his throat.

  The muscles in his arms tensed, but he didn’t pull away.

  She hadn’t meant for the embrace to become heated. One of his hands was resting just above her waist, his thumb making lazy circles over her rib cage, close to the underside of her breast.

  Daniela glanced up at him cautiously, moistening her lips. His heavy-lidded gaze dropped from her mouth to her breasts, and even if she hadn’t seen the arousal in his eyes, she could feel it, swelling against her belly.

  A beat pulsed between her legs and the tips of her breasts tingled, aching for his touch.

  Sean was a red-blooded man, like any other. There was no denying that he wanted her physically, but she knew he wouldn’t take this any further, because of all the times she’d rejected him in the past.

  With trembling hands, she reached up to touch his strong, angular face, brushing away the tears. Although he tensed at the contact, she didn’t stop. Holding his gaze, she explored the soft bristle of whiskers along his jaw, finding their texture uniquely pleasurable. She wanted to feel the rasp of that stubble all over her body, and the sensation of his hard mouth on hers, so she stood on tiptoe, pressing her lips to his.

  For a moment, she thought he wasn’t going to respond, but when he did, it was like a dam breaking.

  With a groan, he lifted her up, cupping her bo
ttom in his hands and fitting his erection against the apex of her thighs. She gasped, opening her mouth for him, and he thrust his tongue inside, taking everything she offered and then some. It was the least tender, most inelegant kiss he’d ever given her, by far.

  Stumbling forward in the sand, he fell on top of her, catching himself with his palms and raining feverish kisses over her jaw, his scruffy chin scraping her face.

  He was clumsy, overzealous and totally off-target.

  “My mouth is right here,” she said helpfully, touching her lips.

  “Sorry,” he panted, laughing at himself a little before he dove in again. The next attempt was much more successful, but then, he’d always been eager to please. It was his willingness to take direction that made him so damned good in bed, not any technique he’d learned with the women he’d had before her.

  This time, he curbed his enthusiasm, finding her mouth with practiced ease and stroking her tongue with his. He also found her breast, cupping the soft weight in his palm and brushing his thumb back and forth over her stiff little nipple.

  She moaned, arching into his hand and lifting her hips, encouraging him. He rocked between her legs, rubbing the swollen length of his erection against the cleft of her sex while he kissed and caressed her.

  Daniela melted with pleasure.

  Then the surf rushed in, wetting her boots.

  “Damn!” Sean pushed himself off her, looking down at the soaked knees of his jeans. Clearly intent on continuing what they’d started, he scooped her up and dragged her away from the shore, lowering his mouth to kiss her again.

  “Wait,” she said, bracing her palms against his chest. She turned her head to the side, trying to catch her breath. The cold splash of reality had brought to mind several reasons why making out on this beach was a bad idea. While they were reenacting From Here to Eternity, that territorial bull could come back. “There was an elephant seal.”

  “What?”

  “There was a bull here a few minutes ago. He was kind of, uh…grumpy.”

  “What!” He scrambled to his feet, his eyes on the shoreline. “Are you insane?”

  She got up, brushing sand from her clothes. Now she would get a dressing-down, and not the kind she’d been looking forward to.

  “You climbed down to an unprotected beach to hang out with a Northern elephant seal? He could have trampled you and the pup!”

  Letting out a frustrated breath, she picked up her jacket and her tote bag and started toward the cliffs. Predictably, she had trouble climbing the steep, slippery rocks, which gave Sean another reason to be angry.

  “What if you’d been injured?” he asked, boosting her up. “What would you have done when the tide came in?”

  “Been swept away, I guess.”

  His hand lingered on her fanny. “Didn’t you learn your lesson about wild animals the last time one bit you in the ass?”

  “Apparently not.”

  Ascending the cliffs required a certain amount of effort and concentration, so Sean stopped scolding in favor of helping her navigate the climb. They’d traversed terrain like this on countless occasions, so he knew her skill level. If he put his hands on her more than was strictly necessary, it was only because she hadn’t hiked in a while.

  By the time they reached the sea lion blind, they were both breathing hard. Her cheeks were suffused with heat and a fine sheen of perspiration coated her skin. Pretending her response was due to exertion, not arousal, she hazarded another glance at him. “How did you know I was on the beach?”

  “I followed the birds.”

  She nodded, crossing her arms over her chest. “I shouldn’t have gone down there alone. You’re right. It was…unsafe.”

  He massaged his forehead, a gesture she knew he used when he was trying to focus. “I don’t like to see you take unnecessary risks.”

  “You tag sharks for a living,” she felt compelled to mention.

  “I think you should go back to San Diego.”

  Her temper bubbled up, hot and bright. He thought she should leave because of what happened after the elephant seal encounter, not before. “Why don’t you want me here?” she asked, getting closer to him. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

  His gaze dragged along the inner curves of her breasts, as tangible as a caress. “You know damned well you’re making me uncomfortable.”

  “Maybe you should do something about it.”

  An emotion she couldn’t identify crossed over his features. She’d never been this suggestive, but she’d never had to be. In their relationship, he’d made all the first moves. “No,” he said in a cold voice, cutting her dead.

  Her mouth dropped open. She could feel heat coming off him in waves, but instead of kissing her senseless, he was turning her down. “Why?”

  He looked away, refusing to answer.

  “Why?” she repeated, her stomach churning with dread.

  “Because you broke my heart,” he bit out, thrusting a hand through his hair. “Jesus, Dani, why do you think? Being near you hurts like hell. Touching you makes me lose my mind. I can’t even look at you without dying inside.”

  Daniela stared at him in wonder, feeling her chest tighten and her throat close up. She felt exactly the same way he did. “You broke my heart, too,” she whispered, hugging her arms around herself. “You’re the one who filed for divorce.”

  He studied her for a long moment, his mouth grim. “I said I would, the day you told me to leave. Remember?”

  She nodded, feeling miserable.

  “Why did you sign the divorce papers?” he asked.

  “I—I thought you wanted to get on with your life.”

  “I did. I still do.”

  Tears of despair flooded her eyes. Of course he did. She was too difficult, too fractured, too complicated.

  It was too hard to be with her, so he’d given up and moved on.

  She was too late.

  “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

  She gave him a brittle smile. “I’m sorry, too.”

  Turning away from him, she shrugged into her jacket and walked out the door, brushing the tears from her eyes.

  She wasn’t sure why she was so disappointed, or what she’d expected. And she couldn’t bear to analyze her wanton behavior. If she wanted a sexual fling, she could approach Jason, or any other man. With Sean, there would always be strings attached.

  Besides, she hadn’t come here to reconcile an impossibly damaged relationship. The two of them could become friends and colleagues again, not partners.

  Not lovers.

  Her emotional breakdown had killed their marriage. She’d driven him away, and never made one single attempt at reconciliation. She couldn’t give him what he needed—a happy family—and he didn’t deserve anything less.

  Taking a deep breath, Daniela looked up at the bleak, bright sky, wishing things had played out differently.

  Sometimes, life’s cards were too hard to hold.

  Chapter 11

  Sean wanted to kick himself.

  On the way to the house, he stared at the back of Daniela’s head, trying to ignore the assault on his senses and the ache in his groin. His hands were shaking with need, so he shoved them into his pockets, wishing he didn’t remember all the ways he’d touched her over the course of their marriage. God, he’d been a sex maniac. Even while she was pregnant, he was constantly at her. Had he been too demanding? Too rough, too insatiable?

  He stifled a groan, cursing himself in silence. The long stint of abstinence had almost shattered his self-control. On Dead Man’s Beach, he’d fallen on her like a raving lunatic. In the sea lion blind, he’d wanted to take her to the floor, tear her clothes off and bury himself in her. She’d have let him, too.

  Damn. Why hadn’t he just gone ahead and done it?

  During the last year of their marriage, he’d have given anything for a chance to have her in his arms again. He’d fantasized about making love to her, his own wife, constantly. She’d neede
d space, but he’d needed her.

  Countless times, he’d imagined her brushing her lips over his. Threading her fingers through his hair and pulling his mouth down to hers. Whispering her most intimate desires in his ear, begging him to make her feel good again.

  He’d been desperate to give her pleasure, to fill up the empty places inside her, to kiss the hurt away. She’d never allowed him to.

  And now…it wasn’t enough. Indulging in a physical relationship with Daniela, at this point, was a recipe for disaster. He’d never get over her that way. One kiss, and he’d been ready to declare his undying affection and ravage her in the sand.

  He was weak where she was concerned, but he wasn’t stupid. Seeing her again had brought back a lot of old memories. Although their marriage hadn’t been perfect, it had been damned good. He’d been crazy about her, and it was hard to let her go. Being thrown together in cramped quarters, it was only natural for him to feel…nostalgic.

  He’d loved her so much.

  After the accident, when he found out she was going to be okay, he’d been overwhelmed with relief. He remembered sitting by her bedside, getting choked up just looking at her. Hours upon hours had passed, while he’d done nothing but watch her sleep.

  The day she’d come home from the hospital, he’d been an emotional wreck. Maybe he’d smothered her with attention, or hovered too much. He’d been so happy she was alive. Every moment he’d spent with her seemed like a gift—one she’d actively rejected.

  No matter how many times he tried to reconnect with her, she’d refused to let him in. He’d attempted to engage her in a thousand different ways. She’d remained unapproachable, untouchable, unresponsive. Lost to him.

  His love hadn’t been enough for her then. And her body wasn’t enough for him now.

  It wasn’t easy to deny her, but it was easier than letting his guard down. Her emotional withdrawal, and their subsequent divorce, had devastated him. He’d rather feel nothing than experience that kind of pain again.